3:30 a.m.
Carlee started to cry softly. It wasn't a mad cry, more like something woke her up, and she didn't like it. I reached over and rocked the bassinet a little. Usually, if she's not hungry, she falls right back to sleep.
I try not to pick her up right away because "The Book" says usually, they aren't even awake every time they cry, and if you pick them up, they wake up completely. I have found this to be true with Carlee, if I pick her up, it takes at least 30 to 40 minutes to get her to sleep again...
Well, the gentle rocking wasn't calming her, and the cries were getting a little louder and more frustrated. I sat up to pick her up, and out of nowhere Tony said, "Here, let me have her."
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah, come here my little girl." So I handed her over, and laid down. Well, she kept crying. Whatever he was trying wasn't working.
"What's wrong?" I asked. Her cries got louder and more mad. "Tony, what's wrong?" I asked a couple of more times. No answer. I opened my eyes. Tony was peacefully sleeping, nice and warm, oblivious to the baby who was crying behind me in the bassinet still.
"Oh, that's what's wrong," I said as I laughed at my exhausted self and picked Carlee up to calm her.
This Morning
Carlee and I went for a walk. It only lasted for thirty minutes, but it's a big thing for me since I haven't really been doing as much exercise as I should. Anyway, it was a nice walk around the parking lot, not too hot. Carlee slept almost the whole time.
While walking I noticed that the apartments paid to get new mulch put down all over the whole complex. Geez, I hope the money "they had to scrape up" in order to clean the mold off our three flights of stairs didn't come out of the "new mulch for the complex money." Because you know how dangerous old mulch is!!! Someone could fall and break their neck!!!
It's about time they put new mulch down!!!
Society Says
Stay at home moms don't work... phsh. I wish. Ha. I'm exhuasted, and it's only 9:20 pm. I sometimes feel so much older than my age, oh well, I never was much of a party girl anyway. Carlee is a full time job, twice over. I don't get a break. I hope I don't sound like I'm complaining, I'm just tired. I'd like to go to sleep already, but she's wide awake. We've been up since early this morning, and while she took naps on me, I blogged and surfed the internet because I couldn't go to sleep. I almost took her for a walk today, but ugh, the weather was really hot... I thought about keeping the car too, to maybe go geocaching, just me and Carlee. But I talked myself out of it. It's too dangerous... I'd make an easy target, and there's always something bad happening around here... I'm still a small town Tx girl that hasn't yet adjusted to living in this huge city.... that's all. Have a good night ya'll.
what?
hey man, look at me rockin out... I'm On the RADIO!!!!
I'M SO EXCITED!!!! Why? you ask. Well, I'll tell you... We're going to
System of a Down's CONCERT!!!! yay! This will actually be my second time seeing them because I got to see them at OzFest a few years ago. They rocked then, I hope they're just as good this year. It's August 15th.... My grandma is going to watch the baby since she'll be here for that week visiting. AHH! I CAN'T WAIT!!!!
Apartments Suck part2
UGH. I woke up when Tony came home late last night. He quietly came in the bedroom, trying to not wake Carlee who was sleeping on the bed with me. "Did you know the toilet's not working?" he whispered.
"What!?! Not working!?! It was fine earlier!"
"There's no water in the tank."
"At all?" He shook his head. "Ugh! What the hell?" geeez... if it's not one thing with this dang apartment, it's another. (They did finally come pressure wash the mold off the stairs, after we complained a couple of times, and someone (not us) called Health and Human Services.) (I was so pissed off about that...) Anywho...
Well, when I woke up this morning, sure enough throughout the night, the tank had only filled up halfway. I called the office and put in a maintenance call.... they still haven't showed up to fix it... And I told them about the mold growing on the air condition vent in the baby's room, but I think they're only going to replace it.... hope it's not anything harmful (not like they'd care or anything....)
Apartments Suck
This apartment complex has been getting on our nerves lately... Well, the people anyway... a few really inconsiderate people... The other night when Tony had duty, Carlee woke up about 1:30am starving, she was acting like it anyway. lol.. so I fed her, changed her diaper and worked on getting her back to sleep. Around 1:45, she was starting to doze off in my arms, so I laid her in the bassinet, and what happens? The stupid guy neighbor drives his truck into the parking lot with his stereo turned up soooo loud playing some kind of rap music (which is unusual to begin with because he's usually blasting country music). He stops his truck right in front of the stairway, and I guess runs up to our floor. I was watching this from our bedroom window which is all the way to the back of the apartment (and his music was shaking the walls even there.) Anyway, I watch as he runs back to his truck carrying two hunting rifles and throws them in the back... hmmm... I know he couldn't of been hunting at 2am on a weekday... and then he sped out of the apartment without his headlights off... geez.. i don't even want to know...
And today, another different guy was playing his loud music in the parking lot and Carlee wouldn't take her nap, well, she would fall asleep and then wake up I guess from the noise, I don't know...
And people drive so fast through the parking lot, even in front of the playground area, it's ridiculous! I guess I'm just more irritated by people's stupidity and inconsiderate behavior now that I'm a mom...
My Geocaching Obsession Continues
lol... yeah. I started a new blog for all of our geocaching adventures. I actually back dated everything to the very first cache, since I had it all written up in my webpage, so I just transferred it all. I think a blog will be easier to write about all of it because then I don't have to worry about page layout and all that good stuff. :) So for those of you who are interested:
CacherCrashers GeoAdventuresEnjoy!
This week was better
Alot better. I'm so grateful for the family and friends that I have, that care so much. They were so supportive through last week. And I'm okay. Though I know when we go back home, it's going to be hard to know that my GreatGrandma isn't there anymore, but at the same time I know she's okay now.
We've been keeping really busy. On Monday, Carlee and I were invited to go to the zoo with a new good friend of mine. It was alot of fun. I haven't been to the zoo in a loooong time, and I think I had just as much fun as my friend's 4 and 6 year olds! :) Anyway, we had a great time, and it was nice to have someone to hang out with.
On Tuesday, Tony got off of work early and we drove to Palatka (an hour away) to do a puzzle cache that I had worked all day on solving... My mom and her friends helped alot, because it was about Classic Rock, which I only recognized two of the album covers... lol... anyway, the cache was in a hiking trails park, and of course we hiked the loooong way to the cache. lol, but it was alot of fun. We also found our first earth cache while we were there too.
On Wednesday, I did nothing but laundry... because Carlee actually took her naps in her crib. So I got caught up there. Later last night Tony's friends came over and played Halo. It's funny to watch them play, because they get all mad at the other people online. :)
And then today was Carlee's two month appointment. She got five immunizations, I cried just about as hard as she did... :( But she was over it in less than two minutes after I picked her up, and I was still sniffling. :) She's been a little cranky all day, but they told me that she probably would. I have to quit writing now because she's getting fussy. Poor thing. Five shots would make even me fussy. :)
it wasn't even a day
The Closet Looks So Inviting
to just sit and cry. And cry. And cry. But I've got a baby who gets bored every ten minutes and hungry every hour and a half. Maybe that's a good thing, keep my mind off things.
It started yesterday. I called my mom, she happened to be at Sonic getting ice for my GreatGrandma. I asked how things were, and she said, "I'll have to call you back about that." I knew deep down something wasn't right. But I shoved it to the back of my mind. Carried on with my day. Tried not to think about it.
Later that night after we had gone shopping, Carlee had started getting fussy. She kept acting like she wanted to eat, but I knew she had just eaten thirty minutes before. I tried to see if she needed to burp, I patted and rubbed her stomach, but nothing was working. So I gave in and fed her some more. After she ate AGAIN I sat her up to burp her. And then she threw up, everything. All over me, on the Boppy, on the couch, all over her. And then I heard her go to the bathroom. It was so loud, I knew that's what was hurting her stomach. I just sat there for a few seconds. In that instant I felt like such an inadequate mother. I knew I shouldn't of fed her again. I knew.
I finally got up, and got her cleaned off. Gave her a bath while I was still covered with it. Dried her, clothed her, handed her to daddy. "I need to take a shower," I said, almost in tears, but he didn't notice. So I did, I got in the shower and cried. I thought it was just the stress at the time, and then this morning I realized it wasn't just that. This morning, I realized that my mother's words from yesterday had stuck in the back of my mind...
Because it was this morning that I finally heard what she couldn't tell me yesterday, "They're giving her a week........"
A week. that's all. A blink of an eye. One breath and the world changes. ONE WEEK. I knew though. I realized that when I finally heard her words and took them in... I knew that I had known. It was right there in the back of my head, just waiting to be said out loud.
My greatgrandma. Such a wonderful woman who's held on for so long. I cried. I had hoped to see her at least one more time. We had planned on going back home for a visit really soon, but it won't be in time. I won't get to say goodbye. I should have gone home sooner. I wanted her to meet her latest great-great-grandbaby. I wanted Carlee to meet her.
But I realize how lucky I am to have even had the chance to know and grow up with my greatgrandma. Not many people even get that chance. I remember when we were little, she would watch us after school, make us snacks, let us watch cartoons. She made the best enchiladas. She inspired me with her religious devotion. Every time she was ever in the hospital, she laid there saying her prayers. Even when she got older and couldn't do as much, she was still so stubborn, insisting to wash her own dishes even. :) I can hear her laugh when we'd tell her how pretty she looked after getting her hair done. I can hear the way she'd say my name, more like singing it. She always blessed us when we left the house... I guess that's why I do it now, whenever anyone leaves mine, say a silent prayer. And I've been praying all morning. The same thing over and over...
Please, Lord, let it be painless. Forgive her of all of her sins so that she may enter heaven instantly like she deserves. Let her know how much we love her and always will.
I wish I could be there Grandma....
I've Been on Ocean Avenue
Yellowcard
I love this group. They're from here originally, I think that's so cool. Tony and me listened to this cd nonstop last summer, and when he was deployed, everytime I heard one of their songs it took me back to us driving around the beaches listening to it. :)
What Ever Happened to Good Cartoons?
Tony and me were talking about this the other day... Where have all the good cartoons gone? Geez... Saturday morning cartoons are now filled with Japanese fighting monster/dragon things. When I was little, my sister and I would get up early every Saturday morning, and we would watch Garfield and Friends with my mom, that and Seseme Street. We don't get Nickelodeon or Cartoon Network right now... We didn't have a reason to pay for it, but I guess we will pretty soon... So I don't know what they're showing these days, but you used to be able to see good cartoons on regular tv... It kind of worries me when I think about what they're going to be showing when Carlee's old enough to want to watch cartoons... Man, that picture is making me miss those cartoons even more... Wile E. Coyote was the funniest. :)
randomness to catch up
Well, it's been a few days since I've written... Fourth of July was fun. We went out and played tennis for a little bit in the morning. Carlee stayed in the shade while we hit the ball back and forth a few times. I haven't played in like two years, and Tony's never played tennis, only raquetball... but he's pretty good at serving. I was surprised. He should of played in highschool. We only got to play for a little bit anyway because Carlee started to get fussy, and it was getting hot in the sun, so we decided to pack up and go. Later we decided to ask our friend stress if we could come over. We took hotdogs and hamburgers to grill. So we ate and hung out with him and his boys all evening. Then Tony got to pop his fireworks with the boys, so they all had fun. It was nice. I was worried we wouldn't do anything since we don't have family here, but I'm glad we got to do something with our "adopted" family. :)
Let's see what else?... I somehow helped start a fight on the forum I read... another cacher and I tried to put together a Capture the Flag game, just for fun. Or... it was supposed to be fun anyway... Some people got mad because we wanted to limit the play area to certain counties here in NE florida... you can only play with so big of an area on capture the flag, otherwise no one would want to drive that far, and the game wouldn't go anywhere.... So, the thread went chaotic and whatever.... now most people are deciding to not play because of all the controversy. It's so dumb. It was just supposed to be an easy fun game but people just got to blow things out of proportion... ugh. so now we probably will end up canceling the game. So that sucks. I was looking foward to being involved in putting something together, and playing the game, and getting back into caching, and getting out of the apartment... BUT whatever. I think I'll just stick to caching and probably won't try to put anything else together if people are going to ruin it like that. Sorry... just venting.
****Take a deeeeep breath**** Look at sleeping Carlee**** She's such an angel**** ok I'm better.
Hurricane season is making its presence known... already a hurricane about to hit... not here though, thank goodness. But we still need to start stocking up on food and water. You should see how long people wait to get ready for a hurrican about to hit... Grocery stores are packed like the night before it's supposed to make landfall... people scrambling to get canned goods, water, generators... geez...
Carlee said WOoOoO earlier. lol.... it was loud. That made my day.
Fun with Carlee
Carlee and I have been busy the past few days. On Thursday we got to go caching finally (after quite a long break) with our good friend Stress. I was surprised that she stayed awake the whole day! She got a little fussy every few hours when she got hungry, but thankfully, she didn't make it difficult to feed her. We ended up finding eight more caches. Carlee's up to forty now, mommy and daddy are up to 552. It was nice to get outside and enjoy the good weather. We hung out with Stress and the StressBoys the rest of the evening. We had a good day, and Carlee slept good that night.
On Friday, we went to Toys R Us. Daddy brought home an invitation for me. Toys R Us was having a special sale for Navy Moms to go to. We got to start shopping an hour before the store opened, and we got an extra 50% off all the clearance clothes! So, we couldn't pass up that opportunity! We found so much stuff for little Carlee. I bought mostly 3-6 mos. clothes because she'll be able to use those the longest since she's not quite into them yet. I only bought a few 0-3 mos. since she's already almost outgrowing those. She's up to 12 lbs already!!! And then I found a few 6-9 mos. outfits just because I couldn't pass them up at their prices. So I had fun shopping (which I always do) and Carlee slept for the most part so she wasn't any trouble at all. So, she's getting better about going out. Don't know what we have planned for this holiday weekend though.... we'll see.
