...maybe i've been watching too much starting over...
how do you know when you've reached authenticity? i find myself wondering... who am i now? what do i enjoy? what do i like? what do i wish i could be? blogger buddies: when did you become authentic?i'm watching carlee playing on the floor, exploring, squealing at her little toys dangling over her head, and i want her to know that whoever she is, she is perfect. i want her to grow up knowing that she can be who she is meant to be.
and also... when she's old to enough to understand and to comprehend getting to know her mommy, i want to be exactly that. her mommy. not what some people think i should be, not what i feel pressured to be, but exactly who i am... but it's hard, because over the years things happen that eat away at that pure you. i feel like i've lost little pieces of me over the years... and i don't know how to get them back. i've spent so many years trying to be something different for so many people.
i think that i'm thinking about this now because for the past two years almost, i felt like i haven't had that pressure to be something in particular. i'm so lucky to have such an accepting husband. he loves me for who i am, and continues to do so even as i grow. i feel like i can finally start to explore who i am and really get to know me better, and share that person with everyone else.
i've started projects like this before... started journals... started and erased alter-ego blogs... lol... but you know what? i don't feel like i should keep it secret, like i'm ashamed of things or something. how is that authentic? no. i'm going to start a new journey, one to get to know myself and grow. i'm hoping that this blog will help me do so.
publishing this post is a personal achievement all in its own. just knowing that people will know how Sheena really feels... wow. i actually feel empowered...
posted by *s* @ 4:16 PM
3 Comments:
The things that happen to us in life help us to learn... to evolve. I'm not sure we're ever "authentic", because we are forever changing from our experiences. I think it says a lot about you that you're thinking about these things... who you are and what you want to be to those you love most. Introspection is always a good thing, and you've figured it out young. Be proud of who you are. :)
thanks loraloo :) i like your definition alot better than the ones they have on tv... starting over, dr. phil... etc. i love that, "forever changing from our experiences" :)
aww thanks mom! :) that made me feel better. love you!
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